Many individuals believe that you can’t choose your love relationship. But there are times when you might instead if it wasn’t the case.
It’s possible that the person you love doesn’t return your feelings.
San Diego marriage and family therapist Kim Egel says that the longing that comes with one-sided love can undermine emotional well-being and bring a lot of misery.
Another possibility is if the person you love consistently shows they don’t care about your best interests. Perhaps your love for one other is unwavering, yet the many things that set you apart make it impossible for you to stay together.
Love is a delicate emotion that may be difficult to navigate in any circumstance. In addition, it may seem harsh to switch off your feelings, even when it’s evident that a connection isn’t helping you.
Using these suggestions as a jumping-off point, you can begin to make progress.
· Accept the reality of the circumstance.
Being optimistic is not a dangerous character flaw. Indeed, being able to keep believing against overwhelming odds is often viewed as a sign of resilience and strength.
But in troubled relationships, it’s better to focus on the here and now rather than on what might happen in the future.
You and the one you love may not have the same feelings. You may fall madly in love during passionate times but spend your time together arguing about fundamental issues.
Don’t assume you’ve given up on someone or a relationship; you’ve accomplished anything. Being able to admit this to oneself takes bravery and introspection. You have taken a positive step toward personal development.
Knowing that your relationship is doomed to fail is a huge step, even if it won’t immediately make your feelings vanish.
· Figure out what you want from a relationship and what you’re willing to compromise on.
By analyzing your expectations for a partner and the things you cannot tolerate in a romantic partner, you can better determine how the two of you may not be a good fit.
Let’s pretend you and your FWB are doing fantastic. More time spent together strengthens bonds between people. In time, you come to terms with the fact that you love them.
However, the major problem is that you may not hear from them for several days, if not a week or more. You’ve tried messaging them on Facebook and see that they’ve been active, but they haven’t responded.
If you place a premium on open lines of communication in relationships, their failure to respond quickly to you is probably a red flag.
Perhaps it will be less difficult to move on from a loved one once you’ve realized how they fell short of fulfilling all of your demands.
· Take the affection for what it was.
It’s possible that “certain loves” may always leave an itchy feeling in your heart, as Egel puts it. Some relationships, especially those significant in our development at formative junctures, go deep through the fabric of our identities.
When you let go of a love that means a lot to you, it can feel like you’re letting go of everything love stood for. But don’t miss the chance to reflect on the positive aspects of the relationship, such as the lessons you’ve learned. Acknowledge the validity of those emotions. Accommodate them emotionally.
Refusing to acknowledge your feelings or minimize their impact can be detrimental. Recognizing and accepting that your painful emotions are now a part of your past can be the first step toward healing and moving on.
As a bonus, remembering the significance of your love in the past can help you see how it is no longer beneficial to you.
· Focus on the long term
Loving someone who doesn’t love you or who you’ve broken up with can hold you back. If you refuse to let go of a person you can’t be in a committed relationship with, you’ll have a tough time finding lasting love.
Casual dating might help you see good individuals out there, even if you aren’t ready for a committed relationship.
When you’re ready for a more committed relationship with a date, it can be challenging to locate the proper person. In many cases, time is required. The temptation to focus on an existing love interest can be powerful amid dating difficulties.
But make a conscious effort to focus on the future rather than dwelling on the past.
· Recognize the process could be lengthy
Love can and does fade, but it is usually not a quick process. And in the interim, it is natural to experience a great deal of pain.
To assist you in getting through this time, consider the following advice:
- Try to be gentle with yourself.
- The best way to show compassion is to tell yourself the same things you’d say to a friend if they were in your shoes.
- Recognize that discomfort is normal.
- Try to keep in mind that you will eventually feel better.
Loving someone who isn’t good or has injured you somehow isn’t a sign of weakness or naiveté. It’s simple to hope for people’s best and believe in their eventual transformation. It may take some time to readjust your expectations and accept the reality that they are unlikely to alter.
To Sum Up
We, humans, are unique because of the depth of our feelings. When you love someone and decide you no longer want to feel that way, it’s not as easy as flipping a switch.
Maybe you’ll never forget how you felt. It’s not always possible to make love disappear simply by wanting it to.
The pain of lingering feelings for an unloving or harmful person might be mitigated by constructive, healthy means.